Sorry seems to be the hardest word

I am sorry. Sorry for bringing
you into all of this. Sorry for being
selfish. Sorry for being not understanding.
Sorry for being immature. I am fool. I still
can't figure out what is the best for our
future. I don't know what is your
concern. It seems like I never
tend to ask. I never tend
to care. I am not in
the mood for
anything
at
the moment.
Deep inside my heart, you are my life.
You made my day, always. Letting go is not easy.
Please do remind me when I cross over the line.
At this instance,
I think I need you more than you need me.

L.O.V.E

What is love?
Have been asking myself over and over...
Who will I be with if he is not Vincent?
Will I be loved?
Will I love?
It's almost 5 years.
I always ask him is he getting bored of me?
His answer is always no!
But how long can this feeling last?
He said he is not sure too...
Is marriage really a brand new start of our love journey or it's the grave of our love story? Who can give me the answer to this question?
Is it still love or is it already a responsibility after ten years?
All I know is I love, I care, I worry for him few years back and now I still do.

Friday

Apparently I have been too busy to update this page.
Just closed a tender yesterday, one more big one coming soon.
I feel pretty wipe out after every tender. It's all about BQ,
summary of tender, schedule of rates, the rates... It sucks!!!
Tomorrow will be the last day of January.
What have you accomplished?
Life is not all
about you. It's not always wonderful.
It's not always beautiful.
It's not always blue.
It wont't be necessarily exciting.
But the clock is still ticking, time is still passing,
life still goes on.

Complicated

Have been thinking...
What can I do to change the current situation.
Am I making the right decision?
Am I missing something important?


p/s: Life is short, enjoy while you still can...

D*mn It!

It's been a tough week. I am getting bored of my straight long hair. It's time to have a change. I think I need a new bag, a new pair of shoes, a couple of new outfit or a new life.

It's been blue throughout the week. My boss is driving me crazy, I know most of the boss is like that. But now I just want to ignore him all the while. Because he is being ridiculous, arrogant, disrespectful, talking like he is someone who is really keen in what he is doing (this I agree), noisy, acting like he is on the top of the world and now I just want to stop thinking about him. He said the 3 QSs he hired are not aggressive enough. He said we should go to look for good tenders and come back to him and said "boss, I want us to get this tender!". Then he began to pick on me. He started off with "Miss Kiew, never think that you have a master degree then you are good already!", then "Miss Kiew, academic is just a basic of what you are doing now. Academic itself actually has no much help in your career. You can't learn everything in the uni. You are lack of experience. ( I know that and that's what I am trying to get now)", after a little while he continued to remind me that having a cert is not everything... and more on the topic that having a cert is not everything, Miss Kiew this, Miss Kiew that. He said he worked really hard when he was young to stand where he is standing now. He wants us to set him as a role model. Just stop all these nonsense, please. I don't want to stand in his position. And I never will see him as my role model because my father is better off. Well, excuse me, I never ever think that I am good with a cert! Neither did I tell my colleagues that I got a cert. He is the one who introduced me as the new QS lady with a master degree to everyone!!!

About not being aggressive, that really pissed me off. What does he meant by not being aggressive? If I were to be not aggressive enough, now I am just a small account clerk or an admin clerk with a Form Six qualification, not a QS with a mater qualification. I turned my parents down to go further study, I got myself a diploma and then went off to get a bachelor of degree. After that I convinced my father to let me complete a master program and at the end of the day I was commented of being not aggressive! Now, tell me what is aggressive.

I hate being looked down and I will prove him wrong. I want him to regret what he had said about me. Like he said, I am still young, how can he conclude that I do not have any plannings for my near future? Never expect me to get involved in this company for a protracted time, never!!!

I am exhausted. My dark circles and eye bags are haunting me. I feel like dying...



p/s: Happy New Year!!! Year 2010, a brand new year, a brand new life!!!

101

I have 101 things in my mind right now.

Thinking bout my achievement at this status,

my career (though I don't quite like it & I don't think it as a career,

it's rather a chore that I have to carry out everyday),

my dream ( which I doubt whether I still have any),

my requirement,

and myself...

I miss those good old times.

p/s: I am wandering what's my passion for life ...

Happiness is Free But...

Growing up is to adopt a whole new life style.

Growing up means waking up from

fairy tales in the

hard way.

People tend to forget how to be happy,

how to be satisfied, how to relax...

When everything is about somebody else,

life becomes meaningless, colourless and vain.

I have always wanted to get away. I have always wanted to hide.

I always think why things have to be so difficult for me.

I tend to forget that I am apt to be happy too.

p/s: what would life be without colour...