Nervous, insecure, unsure

It is total madness. I always hesitate whether to leave the company now or then. I will have to leave eventually. It is just the matter of time. I know I may face the same old brand new people in a brand new environment. I am afraid. I feel insecure. I know I have to start every single little things from the very beginning. I have to prove I am worth the pay, have to gain trust among new colleagues and boss. I have to learn the new company's operational system. I know these are not easy but everyone is going through these, why can't I? It is not up to me to worry so much about. I am  pissed off.  Because I felt being disrespectfully treated by some jerk. I can't stand being treated like this constantly.I am frustrated with the ill manner. I can't coordinate with this kind of jerk. I can't stand to be treated like a moron. The company doesn't need me to sustain so what should I care? There are too many jerks out there and just lucky me to have met one.I don't like to lie about the fact that, "never mind how the jerk treat me, I already get used to it, just let the jerk be"

while I actually feel worse after each 'attack'.

And I want the jerk to know that, it's not the cert that matters to the boss,

it's our performance that really matter. For everyone's sake, please

stop bothering me about my qualification.
I am just a d*mn graduate like every other graduate.

That's all and that's it. 

p/s: forget about those who hurts because life is already tough

Let me be

Just let me be spoiled once in a while.
Because there're too much to be
expected. And sometimes things tend
to get out of control. I can still recall
what my boss told me when we lose
in the tender stage. He told me not to hold
things too tight, keep it loose, that is life.
Life is not always perfect.
And you get to fail and fall 99 for times to be successful
for just once. He is my estimation guru. I have to admit without him,
I am still the naive me now though sometimes
I really can't stand his stubbornness.

Let me dream... Things are getting well now, at least for now. I have less

expectation now. Because I am terrified. I feel weak to even think about

the unexpected. Just let things go free. There are too much to be compromised.

There are too much to be planned. There are too much worries. These

are keeping me from moving. Let me stay in this cocoon meanwhile I draft

my 'future'. 

p/s: Let me be with myself for the time being...

A New Chapter

Have been joining the company for 2 years. I learnt that salaries are not always equivalent with the work load. And I can't please everyone in the same time. Even if I am doing my part, some people still tend to cross over the line. Even if I am cool with what I am doing, others may not think the same. I give up. Because making each of them happy means being cruel to myself. I played my role, I fulfill my obligation and that's it. It doesn't matter how others think about me.

I almost ended my six-years relationship with Vince for some stupid reason. I got to talk it out with some friends and that make me feel more guilty and foolish for what I have done. I apologized to Vince. Feeling a bit relieved after that. But still there is a transparent wall that distant us. It's a feeling so to speak. I truly felt that way. I have been giving too much pressure to Vince. And I am really being too selfish comparing to the others. Sorry, I just can't help it. I think every girl deserves to be selfish for this matter. I can't possibly imagine how I went through all of these. I have to admit, my heart is shaken when I said that 'magical' word. For better or for worse, I think both of us grow from this issue. And some friends told me, there are more to come. I hope I have the strength to walk all the way to eternity.

p/s: Love is not always between us, it's between 2 families. And that is what make love magical.

Once upon a time

Miss every bits of you

2443 days

Sweet Tooth

No doubt, I am a marsh-mallow lover. I cannot find the long lost taste in my hometown. Finally discovered its trail ... Though it tasted a bit like melon. Still it did cheer up my day ^^









p/s: wonderful things happened once in a blue moon and that's what make it wonderful

Harmony

 27th August 2011, 11.30 pm, I took a ride in the bus to Kuching. The journey was quite tiring though. Didn't sleep well in the bus. Despite the 'unique' smell of the bus itself, the 'comfy' coach is giving me all the ache in my back and my legs. There were a lot going on in my mind that night. That sleepless night was really driving me crazy... However, I didn't regret that I decided to took a ride in the bus rather than the flight. It's the old and familiar feeling that I tend to experience once again. I closed my eyes most of the time during the journey. Reached Kuching bus terminal station around 10 something in the morning. I can barely walk in a straight line due to the aching of my leg muscle. Took me quite sometime to move through the crowds and finally settle all my bags on an empty bench. Didn't relaxed yet, I kept my vision clear to look for my dearest mum. I was relieved when I saw her familiar face. She didn't saw me, she was trying to dail my number when I saw her. Gave her quite a big shock. I feel homy with her around.

***************************

Took some pictures along the way to Kuching. Some passagers went down occasionally. I was most excited for them as they had eventually reached home. I waited patiently for my turn. The bus by passed a small town called 'Serian'. Some more passangers took off there. The bus was almost empty. Everyone was awakening then, looking out of the window. They looked happy.

Buildings in Serian are old but simple. Just like the citizens, simple and fine.

p/s: I finally felt hapiness for the pass two months...