Love is Fragile

There is time when I doubted your love and there is time when I doubted my love towards you...
There is time when I doubted love itself...
Is it true that we are just too afraid to get into a new relationship that we choose to stuck with each other?
I want to believe that there is only me that you are thinking about...
But how far is that true?
How can you be sure that there is nobody except  me?
If you love me deeply now, can you make sure to love deeper or still keep the warmth next year and the year after next and so and so?
I am afraid... I don't know how to react to love...
Things change, people change, the world is changing everyday, how can you be so sure that your love towards me is never-changing?

2069 Days

We have been through 2069 days. We changed. We grow.
Thank you for the patience, the understanding, the love and lots of tolerance. Thank you.










p/s: Let love lead the way.

Happy Birthday to ME

November the 1st.

It's been 24 years when I first realized that I have been waiting for the surprise in my life.

Life has been tough. 

I should pampered myself once in a while.

I am craving my life path for what I think is right. 

When there's a need to change, changes should be made.

For better or for worse, let you be the one to decide. 

I love, I hate, I laugh, I cry, I fight, I run, I enjoy, I suffer,

I am just being me.

p/s: Happy Birthday to me...

29 Oct 2010

Going to be 24 after couple of days. What did i achieve last year when i was 23? I won the first tender for my boss with his help and colleagues'? I don't call this an achievement though. My big boss did make me feel bad about this by asking whether I miscalculate something or not. It's all my bad, either miss a tender or get a project. What can I say? You are the boss. You are always the big time winner.

Went out with Irene just now, had a great time with her. It's been a long time since our last gathering. We had a great time updating each other bout our present life. She is my best friend. And I really wish that she can find her prince, get her happiness. I knew Irene for 10 years already. It's been long. She has always been one of my close friends, love her very much.

I feel helpless recently. Frankly speaking, I feel small. At this very moment you maybe the on top of the world but you will never know that the next minute you may be upside down. My conclusion is that my life = work + work + tonnes and tonnes of unfinished works!!!

p/s: I am learning to love my life, I am learning to let go...

Workaholic

It's 9.53 pm. I feel like suffocating in the world of grown-ups. Maybe I am just being naive. It took me two to three days the most to finish up one earthwork calculation. But now I have been doing it over for about a week and I still haven't complete it yet. I have lost my passion for work. I asked my boss one stupid question. "What is the meaning of working if at the end of the day all you left is exhaustion?" His answer is " Life is difficult. Working is tiring but behind the exhaustion you gain knowledge, your gain experience, your may find your interest of doing something that you are good at, you will learn the meaning of life." And my feedback is "Boss, can you please tell me something that I don't really know?" I know and I do understand deeply about he wants to emphasize to me. Thank you, Boss! Thanks a lot for your kind advice.
My boss got a call from SOP saying that we have been shortlisted for the tender and there are still some addendum to be done. I have been doing this over and over and the outcome is being kicked out eventually. I am so pissed off already! Take it or leave it! Why can't you just award it to us? I think I am really the one with problem if this tender is not awarded to us. I should prepare my resignation letter. I am really not suitable for this job. Sorry!

There's a saying goes, " Life is not just about breathing, life is about how many breathe you take in a minute."

When today becomes yesterday

Woke up at 6.45am this morning, hang up the clothes to dry, take a glass of milk, have an apple, take my morning shower, choose my outfit, tied up my hair, take a couple of look in the mirror and went off to work. On and off, day and night, this is my life.
Since the day I start to work, I have been thinking is this the life I have been wanting for. I am lost. I feel insured. I feel mistaken. 

June is Here

I have been a member of this construction firm for one year since this May 2010. I entered 4th of June 2009 and one whole year is gone. Achievement is not what I call. I should have pedal harder with all my might. Or I could have learn more. Thank you, Sir. Thank you for all the lessons you taught me. Something changed. Am I too afraid to accept the change or am I just not prepared? I doubt myself. I hope I won't disappoint you.
I told myself many times not to fall for what other people say. Because they might just add some seasonings to the original story. But I can't help to think about it over and over. The more I think, the more it hurts. I know this sounds stupid but I just can't help it. Grow up, girl! Face it! Welcome to the adult world of fantasy!
Why is it so difficult just to do your job and play your own role? Please don't enter into the territory where you are not suppose to step in.
I am truly upset and lost. Should I or should I not? Am I being too firm? I need to talk to someone, I really need to talk from A to Z out loud.

p/s: Please don't underestimate me and Never overestimate me...

Little Surprize You Gave Me

This little surprise really made my day... Thank you, dear.

p/s: everyone needs love.

Am I thinking too much?

i have always dream to build a comfy home of my own.

to have a small house designed by us.

but now this dream is not so pronounced.

reality is just too heavy to face.

most of the times your silence and the emptiness in your eyes are killing me.

deep inside my heart i feel like i can't hold on any longer.

i want to run away.

away from home, away from work, away from you.

you are confusing me.

but

i love you

does not seems so much

to you

Tired is not an Excuse

Attention!

Tender Closing Date:

1. 16th April 2010

2. 19th April 2010

3. 26th April 2010



I started my year 2010 without taking a good rest.
I am beginning to ask myself is this what I really want.
Though I am living my everyday to its fullness.
I have a confession to make.
I am hell TIRED!!!
If I could just put away my job now, I wish to go to have a spa.
I want to go shopping.
I want to shop without having to look at the price tag.
I am about to burst.



p/s: I am learning to love my life...

Our Night Out

Did went out with Vince alone for quite sometime already... Miss those days... Meeting him has always been a miracle in my life... He is my happiness, now and for-ever... Thank you, Vince.

Pressure!!!

Tender Closing Date:

1. 7th of April
2. 14th of April
3. Examination on the 29th of April

I only have a week to finish off each of the tender. Coming up with some more small additional variation works to be remeasure and re-calculate. I am piled with works. I am working and working and only working for this month. I am about to burst! I am overloaded! I am really exhausted! I need rest! I want to yell...


Day 1


Day 2

and I don't have any more time for photo taking after Day 2.

Random

Sometimes I tend to forgot how simple happiness can be...

Time Flies

Sometimes when you come across this, it's already too late. Hold the sand tight in your palm for it will still leak through your fingers. Then just so be it.

Blue Morning

Sitting at the cafe waiting for the waiter to take order but no one seems to notice our existence. Fine. After half an hour, we placed an order. 10 minutes later, the waitress came and asked have we order, then what's the order... Fine... I lost my appetite already. Starting off with an empty stomach makes my day worse...

WHO

... can ensure me E.T.E.R.N.I.T.Y ?

I need A Change

I want to get out of here. I don't have the sense of belonging here. I don't like to be controlled. I don't want to be a puppet! I will go away someday. Planning to go far away, planning to leave home for this time round the 'home' is not where I love to stay. This 'home' is not what it used to be. I hate the feeling of not being able to make a change for all of these... I don't want it to be this way! I want things to back to what it was.



p/s: L.O.V.E conquers all!!!

My Support For-Ever

It's really cool to have a family like what I am having.
They are my backbone behind each of my story of success.
They complete my life and still counting.
Every time when I think I can't make it through, they are there to lead the way.
And not forgetting my brother (Xiang), I love you too though you are always the pain in the neck which I can't get rid of.
I love my family.
It's nice to have you around.

This post is specially dedicated to my family.



With Love,

your daughter...

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

I am sorry. Sorry for bringing
you into all of this. Sorry for being
selfish. Sorry for being not understanding.
Sorry for being immature. I am fool. I still
can't figure out what is the best for our
future. I don't know what is your
concern. It seems like I never
tend to ask. I never tend
to care. I am not in
the mood for
anything
at
the moment.
Deep inside my heart, you are my life.
You made my day, always. Letting go is not easy.
Please do remind me when I cross over the line.
At this instance,
I think I need you more than you need me.

L.O.V.E

What is love?
Have been asking myself over and over...
Who will I be with if he is not Vincent?
Will I be loved?
Will I love?
It's almost 5 years.
I always ask him is he getting bored of me?
His answer is always no!
But how long can this feeling last?
He said he is not sure too...
Is marriage really a brand new start of our love journey or it's the grave of our love story? Who can give me the answer to this question?
Is it still love or is it already a responsibility after ten years?
All I know is I love, I care, I worry for him few years back and now I still do.

Friday

Apparently I have been too busy to update this page.
Just closed a tender yesterday, one more big one coming soon.
I feel pretty wipe out after every tender. It's all about BQ,
summary of tender, schedule of rates, the rates... It sucks!!!
Tomorrow will be the last day of January.
What have you accomplished?
Life is not all
about you. It's not always wonderful.
It's not always beautiful.
It's not always blue.
It wont't be necessarily exciting.
But the clock is still ticking, time is still passing,
life still goes on.

Complicated

Have been thinking...
What can I do to change the current situation.
Am I making the right decision?
Am I missing something important?


p/s: Life is short, enjoy while you still can...

D*mn It!

It's been a tough week. I am getting bored of my straight long hair. It's time to have a change. I think I need a new bag, a new pair of shoes, a couple of new outfit or a new life.

It's been blue throughout the week. My boss is driving me crazy, I know most of the boss is like that. But now I just want to ignore him all the while. Because he is being ridiculous, arrogant, disrespectful, talking like he is someone who is really keen in what he is doing (this I agree), noisy, acting like he is on the top of the world and now I just want to stop thinking about him. He said the 3 QSs he hired are not aggressive enough. He said we should go to look for good tenders and come back to him and said "boss, I want us to get this tender!". Then he began to pick on me. He started off with "Miss Kiew, never think that you have a master degree then you are good already!", then "Miss Kiew, academic is just a basic of what you are doing now. Academic itself actually has no much help in your career. You can't learn everything in the uni. You are lack of experience. ( I know that and that's what I am trying to get now)", after a little while he continued to remind me that having a cert is not everything... and more on the topic that having a cert is not everything, Miss Kiew this, Miss Kiew that. He said he worked really hard when he was young to stand where he is standing now. He wants us to set him as a role model. Just stop all these nonsense, please. I don't want to stand in his position. And I never will see him as my role model because my father is better off. Well, excuse me, I never ever think that I am good with a cert! Neither did I tell my colleagues that I got a cert. He is the one who introduced me as the new QS lady with a master degree to everyone!!!

About not being aggressive, that really pissed me off. What does he meant by not being aggressive? If I were to be not aggressive enough, now I am just a small account clerk or an admin clerk with a Form Six qualification, not a QS with a mater qualification. I turned my parents down to go further study, I got myself a diploma and then went off to get a bachelor of degree. After that I convinced my father to let me complete a master program and at the end of the day I was commented of being not aggressive! Now, tell me what is aggressive.

I hate being looked down and I will prove him wrong. I want him to regret what he had said about me. Like he said, I am still young, how can he conclude that I do not have any plannings for my near future? Never expect me to get involved in this company for a protracted time, never!!!

I am exhausted. My dark circles and eye bags are haunting me. I feel like dying...



p/s: Happy New Year!!! Year 2010, a brand new year, a brand new life!!!